


Kingdom of Emptiness

by bigwadofiron



Series: Heart in Thorns [2]
Category: Berserk (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt, Multi, Recovery, Reunion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22364611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigwadofiron/pseuds/bigwadofiron
Summary: After the attack on Elfhelm, Casca and Guts managed to interact without incidents for once (see Part 1 of this series). Guts and crew decide on their next destination, with Skull Knight's guidance. Casca confronts Guts with the reality of the Berserker Armor and his past mistakes, causing quite the scene.
Relationships: Casca & Guts (Berserk), Casca/Guts (Berserk), Farnese/Casca (Berserk), Guts/Roderick (Berserk)
Series: Heart in Thorns [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607083
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Breeze

**Author's Note:**

> Improved the flow and wording on this fic on constructive criticism from user Jack174. Thank you!

"Roderick?"

Coming from the lower deck, The dark-haired swordsman limps towards the captain.

Guts feels a quite strong breeze blowing right from the back of the ship. Sore are his wounds that are still healing from the last battle and the salty air only makes the soreness worse. Of course, Serpico standing close to the bow always provides a good strong wind that is perfect for traveling, with the wind elementals swarming around him. Accompanying the user of the wind are Roderick, Schierke and Farnese, lost in conversation.

"Guts, aren't you supposed to- ", Farnese starts to tell him off, but Guts pays no attention to her.

"What's the course, Captain?"

"Aye Boss. We're trying to find land and assess the situation."

Initially, Roderick wanted to take a quick stop in Elfhelm and continue his journey home, but he is wondering whether that would be any good after all that happened. That strange wind that blew past them during the journey? Evil spirits and even Gods crossing their paths? Judging by the conversation he just had with Schierke, the entire world is probably in chaos. He wonders whether his family, his friends, his people were doing okay. Probably not. The thought embitters him.

"We don't know how much time has passed ever since we arrived in Elfhelm." Roderick is crossing his arms, staring into the vastness of the ocean. "Anything could have happened in the meantime."

"Once we arrive, we may find traces of human civilization, ", his voice becomes bitter and lower, "or we don't."

Guts frowns. His eyes conveyed worry as he steps next to the captain. "We still have to find a place that's safe for us." , he says, resting his palms on the railing before him. But, will they find a place like this, he wonders. Farnese finally gets to have a say.

"Skull Knight did mention that locations void of astral activity exist", she brings up. "But he was very cryptic about where: 'Lands of the far east will give you the answers you're yearning for'".

Guts smirks and lets a breath of air out of his nose. Very typical of him. "Only he knows what that means...", he mutters, remembering the cloud of words Skull Knight was hiding himself every time he met him. He was always as hazey as possible and Guts hated that. He prefered being straight-forward, uncomplicated and clear. He also wasn't there when Skull Knight appeared, only Farnese and Casca.  
And Farnese? Farnese does not dare telling Guts the complete truth. Skull Knight also said that there is no guarantee they would be able to settle in those lands. She realizes that giving Guts a reason to leave wouldn't do good to anyone. In a worst case scenario, the entire group would fall apart. She did find her place she could call home, and she wants to make sure it stays that way.

"If we find land first, we lose even more time." , Guts concludes. The others look at him. "We might as well sail east right away." He is indeed correct with this assertion. Roderick scratches his chin.

"Hmmm. If my memory is anything to go by... the Kushan lands should be reachable to us from here", he says. "However, they are located in the opposite direction. The Seahorse will have to travel around the entire continent and the journey is going to take six months, at least."

Guts grumbles. This is taking far to long. Kushan lands? That's heading right into the enemy's camp, too.

"Months? You don't think you can speed it up?"

"I'm afraid not, Boss. Our windy lad here already does the best he can."

The young witch lady, who was following the conversation closely, squeezes herself between Guts and Roderick to get their attention.

"There are ways to get there faster.", she says, looking up to the both of them.  
Everyone is looking at her. How could they travel even faster than they are right now?

"And you're sure that's going to work?"

Schierke nods at the swordsman, who is covered in bandages, leaning against his crutch.

"I have read about it in my Mistress' scriptures. Previously, it was considered a matter of legend."

"The mages at Elfhelm have told me about it in more detail. As far as my knowledge goes, in ancient times these monoliths were constructed in locations with a high spiritual energy. There is an entire network of nodes across the entire world. Similar to the spirit trees themselves, the network was originally a mechanism that keeps balance between material and physical realms, exchanging excess spiritual energy as needed. Ancient humans have created the monoliths when they were still living in peace with astral creatures, but their true purpose faded away from the memory of mankind. According to Dannan, the network of monolith nodes have started to connect to the branches of the World Spirit Tree ever since the transformation. There should be such a node somewhere in the Kushan lands, as well. But, here is the catch: The branches of the World Tree naturally all lead back to the city of Falconia. If we use it to travel, we will have to pass by the city first."

Guts' eyes flare up. Falconia? Does that mean he can... His heart almost skips a beat. He's clenching his fist as anger is cooking up inside of him.

"I guess we have no other choice.", Guts replies mind-absently. He is not even sure anymore whether he wants to avenge the Hawks and kill Griffith. He's sitting between two chairs. He does want to spend time with Casca, trying to restore the relationship they had and stand by her in this time of dire need... at the same time he doesn't know whether he can take any more of her screaming. The first and second time were already painful enough. Then again, if he really thinks about it, like the fact she seems to approach him on her own, and is still concerned for his well-being... perhaps it's going to work out. But will she still do that in the face of the truth? Will she still care, remembering everything that happened during their journey? Including him screwing up, like tying her up, leaving her alone for two years, or choking, harming and assaulting her after he got her back?

"Aren't you supposed to be laying down?", Schierke says as her worried expression meets his glance, interrupting his train of thought. She notices that something is up with him. She knows this is face he makes when he's brooding over something, especially something he doesn't like.

"I... I can't go back to my quarters now", he says finally.

Schierke's being persistent: "Why not?"

Farnese takes note of his silence, too: "Did something happen?"

Guts shakes his head. He bobs his head to the side once, as if trying to point towards something. "You should go see for yourself."  
Dumbfounded, Farnese and Schierke look at eachother. What was that supposed to mean? They both give Guts a strange look as they walk past him, heading below deck to his quarters.

Serpico, Roderick and Guts are alone now. The swordsman limps towards them, leaning against the railing, watching the waves strike against the ship bow.  
"So... how was the reunion with Casca going, chief?", the captain of the ship pipes up. "I must admit, hearing what happened had me worried."  
The fact Guts seems very affected by it doesn't escape Roderick at all. Guts sighs.

From the start, he knew this wasn't gonna be a piece of cake. He knew...


	2. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Casca fell asleep next to Guts' quarters. She wakes up from a nightmare alone and inspects his quarters, examining both his armor and the sword. Trying to digest the harsh truth about the Berserker Armor, her questions lead her back to Guts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are in disbelief of what is being referenced here (especially what Farnese is bringing up), the revelant Chapters for this are 314 - 316. Switch of perspectives here is possibly too frequent. I have a couple of things in mind to improve on this and will do so once I get some inspiration!

She was inside a dimly-lit room and light was surrounding a cradle in the center. A toddler lays inside, sleeping peacefully. Suddenly, a twine of thorns emerges from the dark. 

"No... stop... don't touch..." 

The twine is making its way to the cradle, coming closer and closer. She is trying to move but can't. Something is holding her back, pinning her down, as if her feet were locked in chains.

"Please stop...!"

She is overcome with horror as she watches the twine eventually reaching the baby. 

In this very moment, a black figure appears out of nowhere and the thorned tendril hits the ground lifelessly. It was sliced into two clean halves. With that, the baby is saved. She tried to make out who or what this figure was, but she only manages to stare into unrecognizable darkness. Suddenly, a ray of light is blinding her. Once her blindness eases off, a glowing bird in a gown of white light takes off into the air gracefully, leaving behind a trail of gold. Inside the cradle, the baby was gone and instead, a small deformed fetus has taken its place. The fact the black figure is now approaching her does not escape her, either. Her heart is pounding at the sight of the towering shadow that just fell over her. She feels her pulse throbbing in her neck, seemingly getting stronger.

But then, her heart almost stopped. She finally makes out something in the shadow: it is Guts. Blood was dripping off his chin and nose, flowing down from his eyes. Both of his eyesockets were pitchblack and empty, as if they were burned out. As if that sight wasn't bad enough, his skin then starts to melt away, revealing tendons and flesh - and eventually, bones and skull.

Casca's eyes opened widely. She sits up and takes a look around in confusion. A nightmare?

She's having troubles catching a breath, placing her palm on her chest. Vividly, she remembers the eeriness she has just witnessed. She is deeply shocked. On her forehead, pearls of sweat slowly make their way down.

Casca looks down on herself. Guts' cape was wrapping all around her, she is sure it wasn't here before. 

That's right. She remembers crying for hours before Guts finally woke up. She must have fallen asleep here later on. He even put his purse below her head for her to use as pillow. A feeling of heaviness is spreading inside her chest. This man, he is trying so hard even though he can't really do much without upsetting her. But then, there is this fear she has of him. Those utterly opposing images she has of him... She has a hard time comprehending it.

Almost instinctively, she stands up and enters Guts' quarters. She does not know what she is looking for, but his equipment catches her attention. That sword of his, laying on the floor next to his bed, it is so much bigger than what she remembers him using. It looks so heavy and crude, too. She senses a faint od coming from the sword, but she couldn't make it out what it was. And then, the armor. He must have laid it off to recover. It looks so precarious with its spikes and sharp edges. In fact, it looks like it's eating the user alive with its shape alone. 

Her judgement wasn't off, because she is noticing an evil presence coming from the armor. For a moment, she feels a surge, as if evil energy is coming straight towards her. Frightened she falls backward, tripping over her own legs. She stands up almost immediatey, her intense gaze focuses on the armor, frightened, but determined. Something is up with this piece of metal and it's doing something to Guts. She saw how he fought with it, but she is sure this can't be the end of the story.

"Casca...? Casca? Are you there?", Farnese's voice echoes from the corridor. 

Casca turns around to see Farnese peeking into the room. Her rather delicate frame casts a shadow onto the wooden floor of the ship. Schierke, soon after, appears right next to her disciple. 

"Casca, are you alright?", Farnese asks stepping into the room carefully, her hand grasping the knob of the door to fully open it with a screech. Her eyes are wide open, her brows up high. "Why are you in Guts' quarters? Did something happen?"

"I'm okay, Farnese, thank you", Casca replies calmly, "I must have fallen asleep in the corridor." Admittedly, Casca was trying to find an excuse more than anything. She looks at the armor and takes a few steps towards it, stroking the wall with her fingertips as she does so.

"Could you tell me", she rests her hand on a pauldron piece and looks back to the two girls,

"...what this piece of armor is? Is there some kind of... magic to it?"

* * *

"So... the armor possesses him. It surpresses pain, giving him incredible strength. It also runs its spikes into the user's flesh to restore broken limbs, eventually causing the user to bleed out and die? Did I understand that correctly?"

Schierke nods.

Casca has been asking questions about the Berserker Armor for quite a while now. She listened curiously and patiently to Schierke's extensive ramblings, making sure she understood every aspect of it. The lady from the Vandimion House is impressed at Casca's eagerness and thirst for knowledge. After all, the dark-skinned female hasn't seen much of the magic world yet, but appears to pick up on it rather quickly.

"That is absolutely horrifying", Casca remarks. "It's hard to believe, too. Had I not seen it with my own eyes, I would have thought you were joking" Her tone of voice was very serious, her face torn by worry. No wonder Guts was so beaten up when she came to visit him.

Schierke proceeds explaining: "He is not himself when in possession, and then it is dangerous to even approach him. He cannot tell friend from foe when inside of the armor. Unless, I am possessing him instead."

"Possession, you say?", she repeats mind-absently, staring at the ceiling, trying to connect the dots. What Schierke says does make sense to her. She doesn't know why, but this piece of information resonates with her strongly. Is this how it feels like to have your memories buried deep into your consciousness, perhaps?

"But Master," , Farnese objected, "Is this really true? I was under the impression he saved Casca and the boy back on the Sea God island".

Farnese still remembers it well. In the midst of battle, being surrounded by the tentacle spawn of the Sea God, Casca was suddenly running off, and she was following her. When a large spawn descended from above, tearing through the building right before her and Casca, she most certainly saw it. She was sure of it. He couldn't have saved them without knowing that it was Casca who just ran off. Guts paid attention, even as the Berserker.

"That's impossible", Schierke insisted.

"But..."

Schierke interrupts her. "We don't know. Even though he is resisting the armor, it is risky for us to believe that he can see and understand that we are his friends, when his mind and body is possessed by the armor. It is far too dangerous", Schierke explains further. Farnese's shoulders sack down. What Schierke says is sensible, but... If it was completely impossible, how come he protected her? Why did he tear down the demon spawn just in that exact moment it was a threat to Casca and the boy...? 

"But Master... if Guts manages to stay himself, perhaps he is not in danger", she says, "perhaps then, he's not at risk of losing his humanity..."  
"Farnese...", Schierke interrupts her and observes Casca's reaction: Her face is slowly fading pale, her hands are starting to shake.  
"Wait. Hold on. What did you just...? He's losing his humanity... using the armor?"  
Farnese gulps. She possibly said a bit too much.

* * *

Casca is dashing through the small corridors and rooms of the ship. She needs to know. She really needs to know. Is he really risking his humanity? Just for her sake? How much time does he, do they still have? Is there even a chance for her to understand, before he loses his humanity altogether? She has so many questions. She needs to hear it from him. With one strong shove, she opens up the last door that goes outside to deck.

The ship was gently rocking in the breeze, it was morning. Roderick's crewmen were minding their own business, adjusting the sails, scrubbing the deck, carrying supplies. Today seems like a busy day. Isidro and Azaan were out practicing too, with Isma sitting on a barrel, watching them in excitement. Close to the crew's nest, Morda is dozing in the sun on one of the masts, still isolating herself from everyone else. Her broom was right next to her, which is also probably how she got there in the first place. But they all are not the person Casca is looking for.

"Guts!", she calls out for him, her head turning around in search of the black swordsman. 

She looks ahead. There they are. Guts, Roderick and Serpico are on the other side of the deck, at the bow of the ship. Without hesitation, Casca sprints towards them.

"Guts..."

She halts. Right now, she's only a few meters behind them. Roderick and Serpico turn around in surprise, except for Guts. Hearing her voice he does not move an inch, understandably so, but she can tell that she has his full attention.

"Ma'am, please refrain from coming any closer", Roderick says politely, stepping between her and Guts.

She looks at Roderick. He is a familiar face she remembers. 

"We haven't introduced ourselves yet, haven't we?"

Roderick is furrowing as she is reaching out to shake his hand. He hasn't seen her speak a single coherent word so far, let alone exchanging formalities like this. A polite one, aren't we?

"You can call me Casca. Nice to meet you, Captain", she says. After a moment of hesitation, Roderick returns the pleasantries and shakes her hand.

"It's Roderick. Pleasure to meet you."

"Please allow me to pass through, I really really need to talk to Guts."

Roderick looks over his shoulder back to the warrior. He still has not moved ever since Casca arrived. The Captain mumbles, looks back to Casca, crossing his arms behind his back.

"I have heard what happened between you two on the Island", he says calmly, "Please, for his and your own sake, do not come any closer."

"I appreciate your concern, Captain, but there are important matters I need to discuss with him."

She is persistent, polite and diplomatic. Roderick begins to understand why Guts went to such lengths to get her sanity back. Such confidence and determination. She was not twitching even a little when he stepped between them. No sign of even thinking about stopping or stepping down. She is really into this with body and soul. Despite of the urgency of the situation and her desire to find answers, she hasn't forgotten about her manners either, greeting him rather formally. He's impressed. 

Because Roderick is still not moving aside, Casca continues: "I have seen the consequences of battle. Some memories returned to me. There is so much that doesn't make any sense. I have so many questions but no answers. Please allow me to talk to him."

The plea in her eyes... Roderick really can't argue with that. He can't imagine what Guts has been through for her sake, and that is just based on what he has seen traveling together with him. How could he tell or judge what Casca is going through? By the sounds of it, a lot. I mean, surely there must be good reason for her to scream at Guts, or lose her mind like she did. He remembers his first encounter with astral creatures back in Vritannis and feels sympathetic. She was thrown into this world, established facts were presented to her without preface. It must be like jumping into an ice-cold stream, then being washed away by its current: Sudden, overwhelming and merciless. At the same time, he cannot leave them alone, either. Besides, the deck was a terrible place to talk out difficult matters, with all the noise from the waves brushing against the hull and hardy sailors watching them.

Then, Farnese and Schierke come storming out of the quarters, joining in. They are both quite out of breath. They had no idea Casca could run this fast.

Roderick looks at the new arrivals and gets an idea.

"If you have questions, don't you think we should answer them all together?", he is extending his arm, as if he is presenting Farnese and Schierke to her. Schierke fits her hat and looks at Roderick curiously. What is he planning?

Casca pauses to think. Among the things she wants to ask Guts are matters that are only business between him and her. But these people... They're family. All of them did everything they could to get her safe and restore her mind. She does owe them so much. She wants to give back to them, protect them. But then, there is also her son, whose fate is still unknown to her. In order to protect, she has to understand. At the same time, she's not going to be able to figure out what happened to her son alone, either, that's for sure. She needs them. Them knowing about this will not hurt. But Guts? He may not like what she has to ask him. After all, he has always been very withdrawn. She doubts that he has told his companions anything. 

"I have no objections", Casca finally replies, "but I am not sure if Guts will approve of your suggestion."

"What do you think, Guts? Whatever you have to say, tell Serpico", Roderick says, turning around. The blonde young man is still right next to the black swordsman, observing the situation. 

Guts knew this day would come. Of course Casca has questions and they are likely uncomfortable questions. Guts sighs, and visible to Serpico still nods in agreement, albeit reluctantly.

Serpico makes eye contact with Roderick, raising his hand to give him a thumbs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! English is not my native language, so constructive criticism, feedback or thoughts are always appreciated.


End file.
